Diana Reader

I know a wonderful woman (shout out to Alanna) who last year made her New Year's resolutions different than the traditional "beginning of the year" type.  She chose a word, Brave, to outline her year.  Each month she would choose a "Brave Act" to do so that at the end of the year, she would have done twelve things out of her normal comfort zone.  I thought this was a fantastic idea considering for most of us, our resolutions usually last about two weeks after the New Year before we start slipping into our old ways.  Having a new one each month seemed like the perfect solution. I tend to make a lot of changes to myself, thinking I will improve somehow.  It's usually the same struggles I deal with, but each time I'll change something, or make a new approach to solving, thinking that "this one will work" or "it'll be different this time" only to find myself searching for another idea to help me solve my struggles.  What I've no...

What if you really only get one shot? I've been thinking about this for quite awhile now.  I've always been a strong believer in things happen for a reason, everything will work out, you're where you are supposed to be, but what if you really only have one shot?  What if there aren't any second chances?  What if the consequences of your actions are not a matter of fate, but a matter of choice?   What if it isn't about what's meant to be, but rather the ramifications of actions? What do you think? Looking over my past four years at Northland, a lot of what I think of is nights I spent alone.  Time I spent hurting from self inflicted stomach aches, isolating myself in the basement of Memorial walking ten miles in-between classes, not leaving until it was dark outside, living these days off of juice fasts and disappointment. I think about Love Your Body Week, and how excited I was for that because I wanted to go to all of the events and really give a mess...

I just want to right a post about gratitude.  If your honest with yourself, you probably focus a lot on the negative aspects in your life.  Things like worrying about school, grades, relationships; stressing about sports, workouts, weight; anxious about life.  It's a trap so easy to fall into: negativity propegates negativity in a scary spiraling cycle. "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy.  "It's a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.  One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego."  He continued, "The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.  The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."   "Which wolf will win?" The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed." Is...

I'm struggling trying to decipher what I want to say. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to go somewhere totally different, where no one knows you, no one would miss you; it would be as if you didn't exist? Sometimes I think that would be nice.  Just to hide away from all responsibilities, all expectations, all people who keep asking what you're going to do, where you're going to go, who you're going to marry, and why you haven't done any of these things. It's moments like these that I just want to curl up in a ball and disappear.  And then go to a foreign country and travel without reserve, without fear.  Most importantly, without your critical self telling you that you should be doing something more important with your life, helping people significantly more, putting all your effort into doing these things and not being so afraid to start.  Without your critical self asking what are you waiting for, why can't you decide, why aren't ...

"Self-sabotage is a real problem. It's not a lack of desire or motivation.  Something holds us back. We have to learn to validate ourselves because we'll never get everything we need from other people." We have to learn to validate ourselves. I've been meeting with a career counselor this entire semester, usually about twice a month.  She's been having me take tests and reviewing the information from them to help me better figure out my strengths and interests and then applying them to a career choice.  It was a bit frustrating because I got all my test scores back, thinking that would help me be more confident in choosing a career, but they just confirmed what I already knew.  I know my strengths.  I know what adjectives to use to describe myself.  I know I am a perfectionist, I like organizing, I want peace and don't like angry confrontations.  I thought there would be more to these tests, but they told me what I already knew. This counse...

Breakups are not fun. I was convincing myself that I needed to sleep tonight and I would write this blog tomorrow, but alas, the wheels in my head were turning and sleep was not going to come until I wrote.  Ah, the life of ideas. It's weird how relationships work.  I've noticed that I start out a relationship with my eyes on Christ, totally focused and ready.  Excited and nervous, anxious and on guard, reading for any curve or disappointment that might come.  I feel totally prepared and faithfully focused on the Lord. Then somewhere along the way my focus shifts. Somewhere along the way my eyes turn away, my attention shifts, I feel like I need to give more time to who I'm dating, thinking I need that extra space to give to them.  The funny thing about that though, is that the extra time I "clear up" when stopping my time with the Lord is never filled up with treating the person I'm dating better, or working on myself to become more of what I think th...

I read something today that bothered me way more than it should have. Leaving all names out, I found out that there was a man that allegedly cheated on his fiancé.  Now, I know what you're thinking, but before you pass judgement as to why I care about this, let me explain. Okay, I can't explain. It must be something deeply embedded in me, because whenever I hear of a breakup, even with a couple I don't know, I get really, really sad.  Which is crazy, because it totally doesn't pertain to me.  I honestly don't know why I do this, and it really bothers me that it bothers me, if that makes sense.  So, after finding out about this particular couples problems, I honestly couldn't focus anymore.  I had an exam shortly after and my mind was totally unfocused.  I'm mostly righting this blog because I need to study for an important anatomy exam tomorrow and have to get this out there and off of me.  The hopeful part of me wants to believe it's all just a ...

I don't know if you've ever had an addiction, but chances are if you did, breaking it almost broke you. Addictions can come in many forms, whether it be a drug, relationship, food, image; I'm sure each of you reading this can think of something you were addicted to at one point in your life, even if it wasn't very strong or wasn't very long. We all have addictions. I don't think we're told enough in our lives just how crucial it is to have relationships.  Our society has become so focused on image, self sustenance, strength, and pride that we push back what's at the heart of each of our successes: help.  Nothing you will ever do, be it success, will ever be completely on your own; in some form of another you will have had help along the way.  And that's okay.  Nothing you will ever go through, be it difficult, will ever be completely on your own; in some form or another you will be given strength from others to help you.  And that is amazing. ...

The story of my life I'll take her home I'll drive all night, to keep her warm And time is frozen. I've been choosing to spend a lot of time alone lately, I just feel like reflection is really necessary for me right now.  I've been thinking a lot about the future, analyzing the different courses I could take, and wondering which one is the right path.  Wondering what is to come, what I can do to prepare, and all the while trying to learn to enjoy the present and find peace within ambiguity. I've never been a One Direction fan, but they recently came out with a music video that I fell in love with, so I have converted into one of their fans.  (Their lyrics above, and throughout--video below). I can't imagine the kind of love that someone could have for us, genuine, whole, true.  To have someone love unconditionally and without reserve.  To love someone and to have someone love you without benefit to themselves, no personal gain.  A love that will tr...

"We have to allow ourselves to be loved by the people who really love us, the people who really matter.  Too much of the time, we are blinded by our own pursuits of people to love us, people that don't even matter, while all the time we waste and the people who do love us have to stand on the sidewalk and watch us beg in the streets!  It's time to put an end to this.  It's time for us to let ourselves be loved." ~C. JoyBell C. More specifically, we accept the love we think we deserve . Is this truth for you?  It's truth for a lot of people.  Why is it we tend to put our time and energy into people that don't care?  Why is it that we spend our time shaping ourselves to be loved by people that really don't want anything to do with us?  Why do you do that? Rosie and I had a conversation about this tonight.  So many people I know do this.  They get involved in a person, or in a relationship, and it's clearly not good for them.  But th...

I'd really like you to read this whole post.  For no other reason than it might just resonate with you, and you might take action.  If nothing else, I'm reaching out because I know I can't do this alone. I never knew my medical microbio class would have such a strong impact on my life.  The professor is amazing, so incredibly relatable, forward in his thinking, down-to-earth, and passionately inspired by a few people he has shared with us, changing my life as well. We've been reading a book called Mountains Beyond Mountains .  It's about a man, Paul Farmer, who begins his medical degree at Harvard while simultaneously practicing medicine in Haiti.  He basically taught himself medicine through practice and flew back to school to take his exams.  It's an incredible story, and one well worth the read.  This man, this wonderful man, truly understand what it means to say that no life is less valuable than another.  He dedicates his life to helping ...

There's so much I have to say.  So, here goes everything. I stopped at the graveyard today.  Impulsively.  I was driving home from the store when a song came on from Tenth Avenue North, and I totally lost it.  I haven't cried in a long time.  It's really weird, I used to cry almost every night, but since last year, I just don't cry much.  Today though, today it all broke free. It wasn't one thing that hit me, but a thousand things.  I've been resisting the want to call certain people because I know I need to let go.  The strength of that is draining.  I've been studying and worrying about classes and life after school.  The stress of that is draining.  I'm sure you all have your own stresses and strength drainers in life; today was a mix of everything. I pulled into the graveyard and just cried.  I cried for all the people who were buried here, their earthly life over.  I cried for those who may not have kn...

I've been really stressed lately.  Like, really stressed.  Beyond what I was hoping for, and then some.  The strange thing is, I've been busier. It's not so much about the things I have to do (although that is a big part of it) but it seems to be more about my life. Have you ever felt anxious/nervous/stressed and you feel so overwhelmed you don't know where to begin? Granted, this week I have three more exams this week, sometimes I feel like finals week is every other week for me.  Not such a great thing for a girl who likes to be prepared and study a lot, yet is so drained from trying to reach perfection. Perfection is a strange concept, we strive for it, yet it is something we will never achieve.  When do you decide that where you are is acceptable?  When do you stop reaching for something you'll never achieve?  How do you let go of a desire to be all that is expected of you and more? I think wanting to reach perfection is more about the de...

Restless. Have you ever felt that way? Hungry.  Starved.  Empty. Unsettled . For awhile I've felt hungry.  Hungry for something.  Anxious for something.  Nervous, excited, apprehensive, scared, for something. For what? I'm not sure.  Or maybe I am.  Have you ever been so anxious about something in your life, that all of your focus is distracted and your attention to other things has lost it's meaning?  That's how I feel sometimes.  Most of the time.  The problem is, I'm not totally convinced I know what to do about it, or how to start. You see, I want to serve.  I want to get out of the box I have set for myself and do something extraordinary.  Incredible.  Unconventional.  I want to live the life of Christ I was meant to live.  I want to live with people who have nothing, those who are in need of everything, those who yearn for love, food, warmth, and acceptance.  I want to teach them about Ch...

Well I know that the title alone captured a large amount of guys curious to the answer and a decent amount of women who are thinking two things: 1) I wonder if this woman really knows what I want and 2) Maybe she will help me understand what exactly it is that I want.  I chose 10 things to write about, 10 things that women want.  So, other than the disclaimer that this isn't true for all women, I did try to keep it general enough so the majority is represented.  Without further ado, here goes. 1)  We want honesty.  Not necessarily the "yeah, you really do look fat in those jeans" honesty (although it is appreciated especially if we're going to go somewhere important) but the genuine type of honesty that is so rare to find in men.  We want you to tell us what your feeling. Tell us you're unsure of the relationship; it'll save us from the constant analyzation of perceiving your silence as a thousand other things that could be wrong with us. Tell us you lo...

There's something about taking a jump that is both thrilling and terrifying at the same time. Life is full of opportunities to jump.   Sometimes it's hard to decide what's scarier, taking the jump into the unknown or staying in the same place; safe but never moving forward. Last week I decided to take the jump.  Out of a plane.  But it was more than that.  So much more than that. Skydiving was phenomenal, something I would recommend to anyone and everyone who wants to do something somewhat crazy, somewhat scary, and very much thrilling.  I've had some people ask me how it came about, and it's really a simple story.  I found a coupon.  And that changed everything.  But it was more than that, it was the conversation I had with one of my housemates, Rosalie.   We were sitting in the coffee shop in between classes, studying like we normally do (and by studying I mean we had our books open but we were talking about something co...