Diana Reader

Because I knew my therapist was right, and I wanted to keep being wrong. I wanted to keep my bad habit like charms on a bracelet. I did not want to be brave. I think I like my brain best in a bar fight with my heart. I think I like myself a little broken, with rough edges, a little harder to grasp.  I like poetry better than therapy anyway. The poems never judge me for healing wrong. [Clementine von Radics] Isn't that the truth?  A part of us wants to hold on to that familiar brokenness, that comforting sweet song we sing of our guilty indiscretion, painting a picture of the little box we sit in.  Change is hard, and redefining yourself even harder. "Transformation isn't sweet and bright.  It is a dark and murky, painful pushing.  An unraveling of the untruths you've carried in your body.  A practice in facing your own created demons.  A compete uprooting before becoming. {Victoria Erickson} I've become acutely aware of how narrow m...

For the girl who thrives on hunger.  Your growling reminds you of just how much control you have - just how different, just how special you are.  My dear, let me tell you your uniqueness is independent of your size.  Your heart is beautiful and giving, your passion for kindness is what sets you apart.  Your hunger pains are not a sign of control, for what you think you control now will soon control you.  Food does not define you, your love does. For the girl who counts calories instead of counting sheep.  Your obsession will not make you happy, your idea of a good day isn't a day of less than 1000 calories.  Look at the people around you, the life that's happening each beautiful morning, do not miss this because you are so focused on writing food logs and spending hours searching for answers on the internet.  You will not find answers outside yourself.  You must find it in you to look up and realize what truly matters in your life - the peo...

I've been sitting here studying and studying, struggling to get through this semester with the same motivation that I had when I started this program.  I've had a lot of ups and downs and a few idiotic moments that have caused my body more harm than I should have allowed.  I started zoning away from my notebook as I started petting my cat.  I shifted focus to the words on the page to the look in this little (well, not so little anymore) kitty's eyes and I saw something I wasn't expecting.  I saw an immense amount of love, dependence, and loyalty.  The love that flowed into and out of me surprised me - I never fully understood just how wonderful and healing having a pet could be (I use the word pet lightly, as I'm pretty sure I give in to what he wants more than the other way around ;) ). Not to get too bleak, but I started thinking about how difficult it will be to lose him - to not have this smiling, energetic, crazy eyes, cuddly, purring bundle of joy next t...

Do you ever feel like life is just a whirlwind?  Memories that happened just yesterday suddenly become memories from years past.  People you just met suddenly have been in your life for longer than you realize.  The faces around you change--though some stay the same, some of your once closest friends drift off into memories past.  Both heartbreaking and beautiful, you continue to move on with life, trying your best to step forward when you don't know what kind of ground you're stepping on.  There are moments that you remind yourself we're all walking on minefields, just praying that you'll be able to keep walking.   I spend a lot of time in my closet tonight (frankly, I'm still here).  It's where I think -- weird as it is, many times the small space and the reality I'm faced with presents itself within these four walls.  I turned on some Christmas music, as it always brings me comfort.  Harry Potter is playing in the other room and the tv ...

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~Lao Tzu The resounding truth to this quote made me smile as I searched for a way to begin this blog.  How does one attempt to portray the emotions and earth shattering changes going on inside of such a small being?  We are but a speck in this universe, yet we have the capability to hold life changing forces - love, passion, determination, and faith. As I struggled to know how to write the thoughts and feelings swirling around in my head and in my heart, I contemplated the strength that one is graced through the love of someone else.  A love so raw, so real, that one can't help but question it because of the intensity and complete shock of purity.  The things  questioned in this life are uncharted territories.  When one sits and analyzes their inner being, it's easy to get really bogged down by the imperfections and short fallings of one's self.  Wha...

There are times that I go back and forth, wondering if I chose the right profession to study.  I think about how I had originally planned on medical school and wonder if I should have pursued that route.  There are times when I hear what students in that program are doing and I get so excited for them, simultaneously feeling left out.  My mind wanders and I think about whether or not I would be able to succeed, desiring the challenge of the task at hand, and reflecting on how much I loved (and learned from) neuro, contemplating if I would have felt that way for other classes. But then I have days like today. Sitting in class, discussing why we do what we do.  Talking about the passions that drive physical therapists to serve, spending entire sessions one-on-one with patients, determining pathologies, understanding musculoskeletal disorders, promoting physical activity, and specializing in both inspiring and providing the tools to help patients live optimally. ...