Diana Reader

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~Lao Tzu The resounding truth to this quote made me smile as I searched for a way to begin this blog.  How does one attempt to portray the emotions and earth shattering changes going on inside of such a small being?  We are but a speck in this universe, yet we have the capability to hold life changing forces - love, passion, determination, and faith. As I struggled to know how to write the thoughts and feelings swirling around in my head and in my heart, I contemplated the strength that one is graced through the love of someone else.  A love so raw, so real, that one can't help but question it because of the intensity and complete shock of purity.  The things  questioned in this life are uncharted territories.  When one sits and analyzes their inner being, it's easy to get really bogged down by the imperfections and short fallings of one's self.  Wha...

There are times that I go back and forth, wondering if I chose the right profession to study.  I think about how I had originally planned on medical school and wonder if I should have pursued that route.  There are times when I hear what students in that program are doing and I get so excited for them, simultaneously feeling left out.  My mind wanders and I think about whether or not I would be able to succeed, desiring the challenge of the task at hand, and reflecting on how much I loved (and learned from) neuro, contemplating if I would have felt that way for other classes. But then I have days like today. Sitting in class, discussing why we do what we do.  Talking about the passions that drive physical therapists to serve, spending entire sessions one-on-one with patients, determining pathologies, understanding musculoskeletal disorders, promoting physical activity, and specializing in both inspiring and providing the tools to help patients live optimally. ...

Everyone talks about the superficial things they struggle with, things that are difficult or annoying, but that really aren't that bad.  Bad habits like perpetually being late, procrastinating, taking little more than they need - things that aren't good  but have been accepted in this society as not out of the ordinary.  People talk about these things because they are issues, yes, but also because they're so relatable .  That familiarity, that understanding, it makes it so much easier to talk about. But what about the things we don't talk about?  What about the struggles that are so unglamorous ? Selfishness, depression, stubbornness, anger, guilt....these are the topics no one wants to talk about, because they're so ugly . The thing about selfishness, is once you discover it's there, you don't care.  You want what you want and you don't care about anyone else.  It's a fault that is all consuming, suffocating self from any kind of freedom.  ...

"I don't want to live in fear I want to trust that you are near Trust your grace can be seen in both triumph and tragedy But sometimes my faith feels thin Like the night will never end Will you catch every tear Or will you just leave me here" It's weird how life changes so much.  One moment your small, dancing around in a little sundress, surrounded by loved ones of all ages.  Suddenly you're growing up and your loved ones get older and start slowing down.  Impossible, you think.  These people are invincible, they cannot be stopped.  Life keeps rolling by and you become lost in the midst of it...somehow days are racing by and you get so wrapped up in your own growth and plans.  Everyone around you is a whirlwind of stopping in your life for a loving hello and a quick update before passing along their way.  You enjoy the moments with them, but then you are quick to move on because you know you'll see them again down the road.  Then moments...

I came home tonight with full intentions of working on homework after going for a walk, but the emotions going through my mind kept me from focusing on school... Without going into detail, I was reminded of those who live alone and the feelings of fear and sadness that can accompany a solitary life.  It pained me to think of so many living without companionship, and though I know some choose and enjoy this lifestyle, there are some that have come upon this by no other reason that happenstance.  As I went on a walk tonight, I could not shake this thought.  During this walk I stumbled upon a man in a wheelchair waiting for the bus stop.  We caught each other's eyes, I smiled and nodded, and then continued on my way.  The look in his eyes was one of sadness - I of course could be mistaken, but I felt something deep inside me stir.  I began to pray for him, nothing more than that he would be watched over, loved, cared for.  I started wondering when was t...

Fear plays a large role in directing the actions and activities of our lives.  Fear has a tendency to imprison us.  Fear stops more people from doing something incredible with their lives than lack of ability, contacts, resources, or any other single variable.  Fear paralyzes the human spirit.   Our faults and failings have a tendency to eat away at us inside, but great freedom is born from bringing our darkness into the light.  Darkness cannot survive the light.  While we hide our faults and failings, they grow larger and develop a power over us.  Before we know it, we are planning our days around our self-destructive habits [...] and the more we try to hide these faults and weaknesses, the more power they tend to have over us.   [Matthew Kelly] I walked into a new church expecting to blend into the background, yet another nameless face in a sea of canvases.  The best thing about moving, I thought, was to be without identity.  To be...

On Sunday I went to church.  Normally this wouldn't be strange but it's been awhile for me, for a multitude of reasons that sum up to be no more than monumental excuses.  It was a small sanctuary, quilts littering the sea of white.  It was comforting, though I had a feeling this wasn't quite the fit for me. The service started and hymns were sung, readings were read, and prayers were prayed.  The deeper I got into the service, the more I had to continually bring my focus back into reality.  My mind kept wandering to so many other things, and it wasn't until half way through the sermon did I realize just how distracted I had become.  It hit me like a ton of bricks--the vines of my stresses, worries, and distractions had crawled up around me and fought for my attention.  The worship song began, and suddenly I had never felt so small.  Diminutive.  Microscopic.  Infinitesimal.  At that moment I felt the lilliputian role I played in...

To wrap up my first year of DPT school, I am going to give you some quotes that have happened in the last couple weeks. Krista looking through her calendar intently before class: Me: "What are you doing?" Krista: "I'm just trying to orient myself to the day and month, to be honest." Learning about the unit Dalton in reference to the phoresable definition, Krista leans over to me and whispers: "I dated a guy named Dalton.  His mom was a biologist. *Dramatic pause*  She did that on purpose." During the 7k race talking about pheromones and discussing how attraction can be based on these scents, we get on the topic of a certain person and Brianna says: "Ugh, he probably smells like freakin roses." Talking about what attracts us (post 7k race) while drinking a free beer we were given, naturally I say something related to the current situation: Me: "I like to smell people when they drink." Brianna: "What?!" Me: ...

I think we all need times in our life where we reflect on the things that make us *us*.  I've always enjoyed reading other people's "about me" lists, however quirky or serious they are, and I thought I'd be a bit therapeutic to reflect on the things that make me, well, me.  Self awareness, in the truest form, is one of the most powerful healing mechanisms for discovering the sunshine that has lived inside yourself all along.  So read this if you choose, and then write one yourself, if you desire.  I know I'd love to read it. Orange is my favorite color.  Always has been, always will be.  Once I choose something, I stick with it.  This may seem silly when referring to a favorite color, but I like to think it applies to life as well. I have a fear of being cold, mostly because it reminds me of high school when my lips and arms were in a constant state of purplish-blue.  You've never truly experienced cold until your bones ache and you start to ...

Why have I been a Christian for 25 years and still not know what that means? Why does everyone seem so solid in their understanding and I'm floating around like, "Yeah, your version makes sense too..." Why does everyone tell me the answer comes when you seek it, but I'm not good at hide-and-seek? Why do I have so many questions? If you've ever had one of those this-is-too-much-to-handle moments, you might understand that there are times when you're on your knees exhausted, angry, and surrendered, wondering if this is rock bottom.  I've only had two of those moments in my life, one when I was younger, and one in the shower covered with leftover glitter but feeling anything but sparkle. I rarely talk aloud when I pray, but today was different.  I was verbally, brutally honest with God, something that a normal person might think to be strange but the anger came surprisingly easy and burned like a pile of wood soaked in gasoline.  It only took one li...

I've learned a fair few bit of information since January; here's just a little taste of my random life lessons: 1. I learned there is such thing as scented toilet paper...is this what I've been missing by not living in the city?  (By the way, my bathroom currently smells like a lavender field.) 2. I learned that I feel like Cinderella every time I take out the trash--except the rats and pigeons scurrying around the dumpsters have yet to sing with me, or make me a dress. 3.  I learned that when you tell your friends you're going to be an adult and stop wearing only leggings/athletic gear, wearing scrubs the next day is (apparently) not an improvement. 4. I learned that my geekiness hit a new level, as my idea of an exciting Monday is having "trivia time" in neuro lab: when you take turns with your two lab partners pointing out structures and trying to beat each other in naming them first.  It's an insane adrenaline rush (which, by the way, is caused...

I know it's past Christmas, and dreams of winter wonderlands and holiday medleys are a whisper of the past, but I often think of the misfit toys from the Rudolph story, knowing yet another season has come and past and they are left with many months before they can begin to hope again for rescue. This is not the island I am going to discuss tonight, this is not the misfit I want to address. It's a strange feeling, being on your own hypothetical island, realizing that even the misfit toys had unity in knowing they were all misfits together.  It's a strange moment when you self reflect and realize there's no place like that for you.  The sweet one in a kettle of tea, the rebellious one in a group of ascetics.  It's like balancing on a four way fence...you could jump in different directions, land in different areas, but none of them would fully be you.  As much as you wish there was a place, a category you could find comfort in, none is to be found. Whether in con...