Diana Reader

I realized today that over my life I've believed that everything good or bad I've done has been credited to others.  I am a good reader because my grandma used to read to me when I was little.  I excel in school because my mom taught me the proper way to study.  My athletic ability was passed down from my dad.  My understanding of God was taught to me by a friend.  My acceptance of others was developed by J.K. Rowling.   In all these things, my being was formed by God. I also though, accredited the bad things to others.  My fears of pain was brought on by movies.  I gained weight because I was tired of people trying to force me to eat.  My ideal body image was shaped by the media.  My burning acknowledgement of my insufficiency grew as I learned of people like Mother Theresa, MLK, and so many heroes that were simply people striving for something better.   What I learned was that all of these things, good or bad, positive ...

I was doing fine with the fact that it was my last day of work today until a patient brought me flowers as a going away present.  Giving hugs to my coworkers and bosses as I left, I realized something: My heart is not equipped for goodbyes. And the thing is, I really thought I prepared myself.  I've tried not to feel so much, tried not to care so much, tried to keep an arms length away so I wouldn't have such a hard time.  As much as I've tried to keep distancing myself, I've found that my head hates it here and my hearts still hurts. The funeral of a friend, someone who I didn't know too well, someone who I grew up watching but rarely talking with, yet someone who I grieve for tonight.  Someone who I can't stop the tears from falling for them.  Why do we have to say goodbye?  Why do we have to live in such a fallen world? I rarely go to church.  My days are filled with thoughts of the Lord, but also with thoughts of this world.  I had con...

God says, 'The reason why some people have turned against you and walked away from you without reason has nothing to do with you.  It is because I have removed them from your life because they cannot go where I am taking you next.  They would only hinder you at the next level because they have already served their purpose in  your life.  Let them go and keep moving.  Greater is coming your way.' If you know me, you know that I have trouble letting people go.  I love seeing a stranger become a close friend, I love receiving the smile of a classmate from across the lawn, I love discovering people one conversation at a time.  As life may have it though, people move away, friends become strangers, people you hoped that would stay close end up lost in the chaos that is life. Sometimes I'm relieved by this.  Sometimes people are toxic and it's important to distance yourself.   But sometimes people are wonderful, though they ar...