What Women Want
Well I know that the title alone captured a large amount of guys curious to the answer and a decent amount of women who are thinking two things: 1) I wonder if this woman really knows what I want and 2) Maybe she will help me understand what exactly it is that I want. I chose 10 things to write about, 10 things that women want. So, other than the disclaimer that this isn't true for all women, I did try to keep it general enough so the majority is represented. Without further ado, here goes.
1) We want honesty. Not necessarily the "yeah, you really do look fat in those jeans" honesty (although it is appreciated especially if we're going to go somewhere important) but the genuine type of honesty that is so rare to find in men. We want you to tell us what your feeling.
Tell us you're unsure of the relationship; it'll save us from the constant analyzation of perceiving your silence as a thousand other things that could be wrong with us.
Tell us you love us, but only if you mean it. Don't use the world's standard that "after so much time has passed it's the right thing to say". Only say it if it's the truth.
Tell us your weak. Because as soon as you admit your weakness, you grow eons stronger in our eyes. Your softness makes us have faith in you. Your weakness makes us trust you so much more.
2) We want to know you see us. We want to be acknowledged, attained, recognized. So many men think that being a "tough guy" makes women admire them, but this couldn't be further from the truth. It seems like an obvious statement, but for those of you who just don't get this, we're not impressed by the amount of girls phone numbers you have. We're not jealous that you talked to that girl in class. We don't care that you have a ton of women lined up. Frankly, these should be listed as "How to get a women to lose total interest in you" because that's exactly what it does. Ignoring us will not make us come to you. It will make us realize you don't care about us. It will make us walk away. Women want to be seen as unique, that there's something about them worth fighting for. When we look for a man, we look for someone who is strong enough to fight for us.
3) We want compassion. We want to see you helping others. Nothing melts my heart more than watching a man interact with a kid. Watching him read stories, play catch, build with legos, whatever it is, that interaction is priceless. The way you deal with kids says a lot for your character, and this is one pretty quick and easy way to make a woman notice you. *Disclaimer* Most women can tell when you're genuine about it, and when you're forcing the fake happiness, so if you really don't like kids, you should probably just avoid rather than pretend.
4) We want to be held. I've said it before, touch is a very powerful sense. We want to be hugged from behind. Feeling a hand on our shoulder not only lets us know physically that you care, but makes us appreciate that you want to tell the world. Even just a quick squeeze of the hand can tug on heart strings. Touch is powerful. Use it wisely. Use it well.
5) We want trust. We want to know we can trust you with our secrets. With our insecurities. With ourselves. With our lives. How do you prove this? Patience. You have to earn it. You have to be willing to listen to us. You have to be open to the idea that we're probably going to ramble on about a whole lot of nothing, but will listen anyway. You have to prove to us you won't judge us. You won't make fun of us. You have to listen to the lies we tell ourselves, and give us reason to realize they aren't truth. We want to know that you love us through your patience.
6) We want your time. Not all of it, just some of it. We fear that we are your burden. Let me repeat this: We fear that we are your burden. And honestly, if a girl thinks she's a burden to you, you need to do some serious reevaluating of yourself and see why she thinks that. No woman should ever think that with a relationship she's in. This doesn't mean you can't have your guys nights, your time alone, your responsibilities whether it be school, job, sports, etc. It simply means that you have to show us you still want to be with us. That we aren't left on the back burner, thinking things will get better 'once life slows down.' Because honestly, if we're not a priority now, we won't be a priority later. Anyone who is thinking that this is just another needy girl wanting attention, well, to be honest, I thought the same thing. And it is so wrong. Because wanting your time isn't about attention, clingyness, or desperation; it's about loving you. It's about feeling loved. It's about knowing that you think we're so important to you that you want to make time to see us. That you can't wait to be with us. That it is genuinely the best part of your day. I've seen way to many girls respond instantly as soon as the guy she's dating (or not) wants her to come to him. Wanting to feel loved, she is treated no better than an afterthought. Do not ever do this to a woman. You will hurt her, and in the long run, you will hurt yourself as well.
7) We want hope. We want to see you have a plan, that you see us in your future, that you will never toss us away for another woman/job/attraction. We want to have hope in your life. We want to see you succeed. That doesn't mean money. That doesn't mean a fancy car, a big house, blah blah blah society. This means we want you to succeed at what you love. If you love a sport, we want to see you succeed. If you love kids, we want to help you become the best father ever. If you enjoy gardening, we want to see you tear up the yard and plant to your hearts content. We want to see you succeed in your passion, and we hope you want that as well.
8) [This one is more specific, so may not apply to as many] We want to see you share your faith. We want to see you grow in your faith. We want to see you place God before anything and everything. That genuine faith you have? It makes us love you even more. It makes us see that you can stand with or without us, that your reliance is on the Lord, right where it belongs. Putting the Lord first in your life makes us proud, because in the same way, we put the Lord first in our lives. With Christ as the center of a relationship, the only way to grow closer to each other is to grow closer to Him. This doesn't mean you don't have doubt, because we all do. This doesn't mean you don't fail, don't make mistakes, don't struggle, because that is all a part of this whole concept of faith. It's about what you do with those setbacks that can make us love you. It's about being able to reach out when you need help that makes us see your faith. It's about watching you grow and in turn being inspired to grow in our faith as well.
9) We want to know what you want from us. Sometimes, relationships have felt like walking on egg shells: never knowing if what we say or do will make you happy, mad, or indifferent. You need to communicate to us what you want. Are you annoyed with something we do? Then tell us. (Obviously this can be done kindly or harshly, so be aware of how you want the message to come across). Are you wanting to talk to us about something? Then do so. Let us know what you are wanting from us, and you'll give us an endless amount of sleepless nights back.
10) We want what you want. If it's a genuine relationship, then there's a common goal. We both want each other to be happy. We both would give selflessly to make the other know he or she is loved. Think of the things you yearn for to be truly happy, because chances are, if you've found the right woman, she wants that as well.
1) We want honesty. Not necessarily the "yeah, you really do look fat in those jeans" honesty (although it is appreciated especially if we're going to go somewhere important) but the genuine type of honesty that is so rare to find in men. We want you to tell us what your feeling.
Tell us you're unsure of the relationship; it'll save us from the constant analyzation of perceiving your silence as a thousand other things that could be wrong with us.
Tell us you love us, but only if you mean it. Don't use the world's standard that "after so much time has passed it's the right thing to say". Only say it if it's the truth.
Tell us your weak. Because as soon as you admit your weakness, you grow eons stronger in our eyes. Your softness makes us have faith in you. Your weakness makes us trust you so much more.
2) We want to know you see us. We want to be acknowledged, attained, recognized. So many men think that being a "tough guy" makes women admire them, but this couldn't be further from the truth. It seems like an obvious statement, but for those of you who just don't get this, we're not impressed by the amount of girls phone numbers you have. We're not jealous that you talked to that girl in class. We don't care that you have a ton of women lined up. Frankly, these should be listed as "How to get a women to lose total interest in you" because that's exactly what it does. Ignoring us will not make us come to you. It will make us realize you don't care about us. It will make us walk away. Women want to be seen as unique, that there's something about them worth fighting for. When we look for a man, we look for someone who is strong enough to fight for us.
3) We want compassion. We want to see you helping others. Nothing melts my heart more than watching a man interact with a kid. Watching him read stories, play catch, build with legos, whatever it is, that interaction is priceless. The way you deal with kids says a lot for your character, and this is one pretty quick and easy way to make a woman notice you. *Disclaimer* Most women can tell when you're genuine about it, and when you're forcing the fake happiness, so if you really don't like kids, you should probably just avoid rather than pretend.
4) We want to be held. I've said it before, touch is a very powerful sense. We want to be hugged from behind. Feeling a hand on our shoulder not only lets us know physically that you care, but makes us appreciate that you want to tell the world. Even just a quick squeeze of the hand can tug on heart strings. Touch is powerful. Use it wisely. Use it well.
5) We want trust. We want to know we can trust you with our secrets. With our insecurities. With ourselves. With our lives. How do you prove this? Patience. You have to earn it. You have to be willing to listen to us. You have to be open to the idea that we're probably going to ramble on about a whole lot of nothing, but will listen anyway. You have to prove to us you won't judge us. You won't make fun of us. You have to listen to the lies we tell ourselves, and give us reason to realize they aren't truth. We want to know that you love us through your patience.
6) We want your time. Not all of it, just some of it. We fear that we are your burden. Let me repeat this: We fear that we are your burden. And honestly, if a girl thinks she's a burden to you, you need to do some serious reevaluating of yourself and see why she thinks that. No woman should ever think that with a relationship she's in. This doesn't mean you can't have your guys nights, your time alone, your responsibilities whether it be school, job, sports, etc. It simply means that you have to show us you still want to be with us. That we aren't left on the back burner, thinking things will get better 'once life slows down.' Because honestly, if we're not a priority now, we won't be a priority later. Anyone who is thinking that this is just another needy girl wanting attention, well, to be honest, I thought the same thing. And it is so wrong. Because wanting your time isn't about attention, clingyness, or desperation; it's about loving you. It's about feeling loved. It's about knowing that you think we're so important to you that you want to make time to see us. That you can't wait to be with us. That it is genuinely the best part of your day. I've seen way to many girls respond instantly as soon as the guy she's dating (or not) wants her to come to him. Wanting to feel loved, she is treated no better than an afterthought. Do not ever do this to a woman. You will hurt her, and in the long run, you will hurt yourself as well.
7) We want hope. We want to see you have a plan, that you see us in your future, that you will never toss us away for another woman/job/attraction. We want to have hope in your life. We want to see you succeed. That doesn't mean money. That doesn't mean a fancy car, a big house, blah blah blah society. This means we want you to succeed at what you love. If you love a sport, we want to see you succeed. If you love kids, we want to help you become the best father ever. If you enjoy gardening, we want to see you tear up the yard and plant to your hearts content. We want to see you succeed in your passion, and we hope you want that as well.
8) [This one is more specific, so may not apply to as many] We want to see you share your faith. We want to see you grow in your faith. We want to see you place God before anything and everything. That genuine faith you have? It makes us love you even more. It makes us see that you can stand with or without us, that your reliance is on the Lord, right where it belongs. Putting the Lord first in your life makes us proud, because in the same way, we put the Lord first in our lives. With Christ as the center of a relationship, the only way to grow closer to each other is to grow closer to Him. This doesn't mean you don't have doubt, because we all do. This doesn't mean you don't fail, don't make mistakes, don't struggle, because that is all a part of this whole concept of faith. It's about what you do with those setbacks that can make us love you. It's about being able to reach out when you need help that makes us see your faith. It's about watching you grow and in turn being inspired to grow in our faith as well.
9) We want to know what you want from us. Sometimes, relationships have felt like walking on egg shells: never knowing if what we say or do will make you happy, mad, or indifferent. You need to communicate to us what you want. Are you annoyed with something we do? Then tell us. (Obviously this can be done kindly or harshly, so be aware of how you want the message to come across). Are you wanting to talk to us about something? Then do so. Let us know what you are wanting from us, and you'll give us an endless amount of sleepless nights back.
10) We want what you want. If it's a genuine relationship, then there's a common goal. We both want each other to be happy. We both would give selflessly to make the other know he or she is loved. Think of the things you yearn for to be truly happy, because chances are, if you've found the right woman, she wants that as well.
Men's list are much more simple: 1) sex 2) Food 3) Sleep.
ReplyDeleteSpeak for yourself, "Anonymous".
ReplyDeleteI place a high value on a woman who will love me no matter how how badly I might fail out in the world, and who will encourage me to become more than what I am.
I think each man has his own list more fit for his personality, but I have faith that those three things aren't only what all men want. When you look deeper, it's pretty obvious you want more that that. Basically, what anonymous two wrote sounds more real in the grand scheme of things.
ReplyDelete