Free Falling

There's something about taking a jump that is both thrilling and terrifying at the same time.

Life is full of opportunities to jump.  

Sometimes it's hard to decide what's scarier, taking the jump into the unknown or staying in the same place; safe but never moving forward.

Last week I decided to take the jump.  Out of a plane.  But it was more than that.  So much more than that.

Skydiving was phenomenal, something I would recommend to anyone and everyone who wants to do something somewhat crazy, somewhat scary, and very much thrilling.  I've had some people ask me how it came about, and it's really a simple story.  I found a coupon.  And that changed everything.  But it was more than that, it was the conversation I had with one of my housemates, Rosalie.  

We were sitting in the coffee shop in between classes, studying like we normally do (and by studying I mean we had our books open but we were talking about something completely unrelated of course).  I had told her about wanting to go skydiving, and she agreed that it was something she had always wanted to do as well.  Of course I was super nervous about it, undecided about whether or not the benefit was worth the risk.  But she said something that really stuck with me:

In order to move on and become who you want to be, you have to do things that give you independence.  You have to understand yourself; in order to do that, you have to take big risks.  

That really hit me.  So many times I have backed away from things that were risky, could hurt me, could make me vulnerable.  But she made me realize that just because your afraid, doesn't mean that fear should hold you back.  There's power in moving beyond, challenging yourself, putting yourself in places beyond your comfort zone.  

Four days later, I woke up to my roommates telling me to get dressed, because we were leaving for the airport in an hour.  Surprise Diana, we are skydiving today.  (If you haven't already guessed, I have amazing roommates).

So the entire drive over my stomach was churning.  When we got there, we entered this TINY TINY little building/garage that house an even TINIER airplane.  Two guys were hanging out near the door, one smoking a cigarette and the other with his tattooed self all chill leaning against the wall.  The three of us walked in  and were given sheets to sign our lives away.  Literally, the liability forms stated that if we die, it's not their fault.  Awesome.  Okay so then we watch a video about skydiving and the risks, the three of us squished on this little random couch in the garage, while I overhear one of the guys (the tattooed man, and my future partner) talk about how the video should mention the close proximity we get with them and how it can't be considered sexual assault.  Awesome. 

After the video finished, Rosalie and I got our harnesses on while the guys tightened them.  Marika agreed to go after us, since the plane only fit two jumpers and two instructors, along with the pilot.  One of the guys came up to us and handed us all toilet paper as a joke, which was not funny considering I thought he was serious.  So we head into the plane, all four of us on the floor squished together because there wasn't much room at all.  As soon as the pilot took off, I was surprisingly calm.  I guess I figured at this point there was no going back.  My partner was sitting in front of me, and was constantly telling me the altitude we were at and how far we had to go (11,000ft was the jumping point).  I sat on the floor right by the pilot, who continued to tell me jokes about dying and how I should probably be freaking out at this point.  Charming man, as you can probably tell.  After about 20min of climbing higher, we had finally reached our jumping altitude.  I was instructed to get on my knees and face away from Justin, my instructor.  I had to move my hips up as close to him as I could and then lean back as he tightened the harness around us both.  Long story short, let's just say I have never been strapped so close to someone in my life, which oddly enough was incredibly comforting.  Right before Justin opened up the plane door, he had me lean my head back on his shoulder.  He told me how to arch, where to put my legs, and then squeezed my hand one last time.  The door flew open.  We rocked once.  Twice.  And then we jumped.  

I never knew how falling 120mph could literally take your breath away.  For a moment, I forgot to breathe [more like I couldn't breathe].  We were moving so fast.  And then I felt Justin tap me on the shoulder, and I realized we were free falling.  

And it was wonderful.

We fell for about a minute, and then he pulled the parachute.  We glided for about 7 min, and he taught me how to steer, and then we even had a bit of a life conversation.  In the air.  Gliding to the ground.  He showed me how to land, and we landed softly, barely touching the ground.  We got unstrapped and waited for Rosalie to come down, and then we drove back to the main site where Marika was getting ready to take off.  And just like that, life changed.

You see, I didn't just jump out of an airplane that day.  Something more happened.  While I was free falling, it seemed that everything I had been struggling with, suffering from, thinking about, flew out behind me, away from me.  I was finally escaping, being set free.

This jump wasn't just about a plane.  

I jumped for the release of everything that had been holding me down, keeping me confined, chaining me to my mistakes.

This jump wasn't just out of a plane.

This jump was to let go of the pain.

And for that, I will never be the same.

I can't even begin to describe the importance this day held in my life.  Finally it all made sense.   Life is so short, way to short to be held down by our regrets.  Staying in your comfort zone will never get you where you want to be.  Holding back from speaking what's on your heart will never get the truth out there.  

You will lose friends if you don't let them know who you are.  

You will lose yourself if you don't take the risk to find yourself.

That day I found myself.  I saw what I was willing to go for, and realized I had the courage to get there.  I realized that there were and continue to be people in my life that mean the world to me, and by not letting them know how I feel is holding us back from diving deeper into each other.  

I learned that letting go doesn't mean giving up, it means being independent.  

It means trusting the Lord that His will IS going to be done, and things will be right again.  

It means taking the risk.

It means having the courage to experience the free fall.