Diana Reader

This will be my last blog.  At least in the style I am writing.  One year ago, in the silent hours of early morning, I wrote my first blog.  Not knowing where I was going with it, or what I wanted to get out of it, I simply decided it was time to explore what was on my mind..sometimes surprising even myself with my honesty and learning things I never realized I had buried so deep within.  I've spent mornings in coffee shops writing in the serenity of the atmosphere, pulled all nighters writing in the darkness and hoping my words weren't too honest to be considered unacceptable, written after filling myself without really filling my hunger, written when I was confused and excited and unsure and hopeful. Today though, I decided it was time to let go of this experience and move on.  I've loved being able to express myself through writing, but the more I have written, the more I have discovered the girl who once was vibrant is still within me, trying to come back....

I finished my third sweater today.  I know, you're probably thinking I have the coolest hobbies (sarcasm) but honestly, there's something about keeping my hands busy and making something useful that makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something in my downtime.  Ironically, I finished it at the same place I finished my first sweater two years ago.  Only difference was the furniture was changed around, just like the people in my life. Funny how much can change in such a short time. I woke up ridiculously early a couple days ago from this dream, another sad one per usual.  It was one of those dreams that shakes you up a bit, and you start to question your decisions and wonder if what you've convinced yourself to feel isn't really how you actually feel.  Part of my dream I was running...running away from all of it, and for all of it.  I just kept running, and running, and running.   Wondering if anyone could catch up.  Running away from someone,...

I've had the jitters lately, anticipating a test I have coming up.  It's one of those times where the results of this test could play a significant role in being accepted or declined in a program I'm really excited about.  For months I've been studying, and I know if anyone asks, I'll say that I should have, could have  studied more.  I've always been the type of person to study like crazy for exams at school. It wasn't about just "doing okay" on the exam; it was about knowing all of the answer.  Being able to walk out confidently believing I got an A.  Not that I needed a 100%, because that didn't happen always, but just being able to know that I prepared myself as much as I could, and nothing more could be done about my grade.  That I earned it, I deserved it, and I worked for it.  I did my best. It's funny because for standardized tests, I've taken a very lackadaisical approach to studying.  Both the ACT and MCAT I didn't prepa...