One Shot
What if you really only get one shot?
I've been thinking about this for quite awhile now. I've always been a strong believer in things happen for a reason, everything will work out, you're where you are supposed to be, but what if you really only have one shot? What if there aren't any second chances? What if the consequences of your actions are not a matter of fate, but a matter of choice?
What if it isn't about what's meant to be, but rather the ramifications of actions?
What do you think?
Looking over my past four years at Northland, a lot of what I think of is nights I spent alone. Time I spent hurting from self inflicted stomach aches, isolating myself in the basement of Memorial walking ten miles in-between classes, not leaving until it was dark outside, living these days off of juice fasts and disappointment.
I think about Love Your Body Week, and how excited I was for that because I wanted to go to all of the events and really give a message I know needs to be heard. But instead I stayed in Memorial, ran, drank juice, and wondered what kind of message I could preach if it wasn't one I was living.
I think about all the friendships I could have deepened, all the relationships I know I broke, all the time I spent worrying and waiting for someone to save me, all the time not truly believing anyone could.
Have you ever met a person that put up walls? Have you ever tried to take them down? Do you realize how difficult that is?
I think of my time in Duluth, starting off with a bang, loving it all. I think of how great it was to swim again, instead of just tread water. But soon enough, I began to tread water. Then it was a matter of staying a float. And then a matter of keeping my head above water. I didn't think anyone would notice, frankly in a way I hoped no one would notice, but I remember my housemate saying, "You've already checked out of here, haven't you?" And she was right. I felt unsettled, unrested, unnerved. I don't give enough credit to the amount of perception that girl has.
I thought that everything happened for a reason. Maybe my time in isolation and self destruct was something I need to grow as a person. Maybe those relationships didn't work because they weren't meant to be. Maybe deepening those friendships would have made it even harder to say goodbye when the time came.
But maybe I was supposed to do it differently.
Maybe I was supposed to not be so selfish, but instead live selflessly. Maybe if I would have put more effort into others, I would have found revelations unlike any others. Maybe it wouldn't hurt as much as it does now looking back and wondering.
I still believe that we're supposed to be in a certain place, I believe we need to struggle to grow, we need to figure things out for ourselves, and we need to trust that this is the plan. But I also have come to believe that we don't have to punish ourselves because we don't think we deserve happiness. We don't have to intentionally suffer because we are afraid of being happy.
We have a choice in the direction of our future, and we can choose to be happy.
I don't know about you, but I've been so afraid of the future, so afraid that I would mess it up, be imperfect, not succeed in what I tried, I forgot that staying in the same place will guarantee stagnancy. I've come to understand that staying in the same place can be more painful than taking the risk to move forward.
I came across a letter a great friend wrote to me on our last day of college. He quoted Everwood when he wrote this:
If you're feeling frightened about what comes next, don't be. Embrace the uncertainty. Allow it to lead you places. Be brave as it challenges you to exercise both your heart and your mind as you create your own path towards happiness, don't waste time with regret. Spin wildly into your next action. Enjoy the present, each moment, as it comes; because you'll never get another one quite like it. And if you should ever look up and find yourself lost, simply take a breath and start over. Retrace your steps and go back to the purest place in your heart...where your hope lives. You'll find your way again."
I absolutely love this. Working for Res Life, each year we had to write a letter to ourselves that we were able to read at the end of the year. We could put whatever we wanted in it, and it was a great way to see how the year changed us. I noticed tonight that in each letter I wrote myself there was one constant that I told myself: Your time here is short, just breathe.
Maybe life is a plan of fate, or maybe we only get one shot. If it's fate, we have no choice. If not, we have a choice in our actions, our placement, our life.
What will you do with your one shot?
I've been thinking about this for quite awhile now. I've always been a strong believer in things happen for a reason, everything will work out, you're where you are supposed to be, but what if you really only have one shot? What if there aren't any second chances? What if the consequences of your actions are not a matter of fate, but a matter of choice?
What if it isn't about what's meant to be, but rather the ramifications of actions?
What do you think?
Looking over my past four years at Northland, a lot of what I think of is nights I spent alone. Time I spent hurting from self inflicted stomach aches, isolating myself in the basement of Memorial walking ten miles in-between classes, not leaving until it was dark outside, living these days off of juice fasts and disappointment.
I think about Love Your Body Week, and how excited I was for that because I wanted to go to all of the events and really give a message I know needs to be heard. But instead I stayed in Memorial, ran, drank juice, and wondered what kind of message I could preach if it wasn't one I was living.
I think about all the friendships I could have deepened, all the relationships I know I broke, all the time I spent worrying and waiting for someone to save me, all the time not truly believing anyone could.
Have you ever met a person that put up walls? Have you ever tried to take them down? Do you realize how difficult that is?
I think of my time in Duluth, starting off with a bang, loving it all. I think of how great it was to swim again, instead of just tread water. But soon enough, I began to tread water. Then it was a matter of staying a float. And then a matter of keeping my head above water. I didn't think anyone would notice, frankly in a way I hoped no one would notice, but I remember my housemate saying, "You've already checked out of here, haven't you?" And she was right. I felt unsettled, unrested, unnerved. I don't give enough credit to the amount of perception that girl has.
I thought that everything happened for a reason. Maybe my time in isolation and self destruct was something I need to grow as a person. Maybe those relationships didn't work because they weren't meant to be. Maybe deepening those friendships would have made it even harder to say goodbye when the time came.
But maybe I was supposed to do it differently.
Maybe I was supposed to not be so selfish, but instead live selflessly. Maybe if I would have put more effort into others, I would have found revelations unlike any others. Maybe it wouldn't hurt as much as it does now looking back and wondering.
I still believe that we're supposed to be in a certain place, I believe we need to struggle to grow, we need to figure things out for ourselves, and we need to trust that this is the plan. But I also have come to believe that we don't have to punish ourselves because we don't think we deserve happiness. We don't have to intentionally suffer because we are afraid of being happy.
We have a choice in the direction of our future, and we can choose to be happy.
I don't know about you, but I've been so afraid of the future, so afraid that I would mess it up, be imperfect, not succeed in what I tried, I forgot that staying in the same place will guarantee stagnancy. I've come to understand that staying in the same place can be more painful than taking the risk to move forward.
I came across a letter a great friend wrote to me on our last day of college. He quoted Everwood when he wrote this:
If you're feeling frightened about what comes next, don't be. Embrace the uncertainty. Allow it to lead you places. Be brave as it challenges you to exercise both your heart and your mind as you create your own path towards happiness, don't waste time with regret. Spin wildly into your next action. Enjoy the present, each moment, as it comes; because you'll never get another one quite like it. And if you should ever look up and find yourself lost, simply take a breath and start over. Retrace your steps and go back to the purest place in your heart...where your hope lives. You'll find your way again."
I absolutely love this. Working for Res Life, each year we had to write a letter to ourselves that we were able to read at the end of the year. We could put whatever we wanted in it, and it was a great way to see how the year changed us. I noticed tonight that in each letter I wrote myself there was one constant that I told myself: Your time here is short, just breathe.
Maybe life is a plan of fate, or maybe we only get one shot. If it's fate, we have no choice. If not, we have a choice in our actions, our placement, our life.
What will you do with your one shot?
Comments
Post a Comment