Full Intention
I came home tonight with full intentions of working on homework after going for a walk, but the emotions going through my mind kept me from focusing on school...
Without going into detail, I was reminded of those who live alone and the feelings of fear and sadness that can accompany a solitary life. It pained me to think of so many living without companionship, and though I know some choose and enjoy this lifestyle, there are some that have come upon this by no other reason that happenstance. As I went on a walk tonight, I could not shake this thought. During this walk I stumbled upon a man in a wheelchair waiting for the bus stop. We caught each other's eyes, I smiled and nodded, and then continued on my way. The look in his eyes was one of sadness - I of course could be mistaken, but I felt something deep inside me stir. I began to pray for him, nothing more than that he would be watched over, loved, cared for. I started wondering when was the last time he was able to walk, what caused him to be confined to this, and how unfair life can be sometimes...and then I started to tear up. Picture it: girl out for walk on a beautiful summer night, crying because of the stories of two different people she didn't even know. Sometimes I wonder why I'm so strange.
I came home and couldn't shake these thoughts - the realization of so many living alone and craving to be busy, to have company, to have someone to rely on them and someone to rely on. I thought of my grandma, who lived alone for so many years, her loneliness and sadness only barely understood by me during my "lost year". I started thinking of the nursing homes that I've seen, the many lives that have been lived and the many people that have been left by family, or have never had family to be with them. It pains me to think of this - for a long time to the point of feeling I needed to "suffer in solidarity". Tonight I was reminded by something I heard from a very special person - that suffering in a way of forcing yourself to live in sadness does nothing for someone else. Suffering in solidarity is a way to make two people miserable and benefits neither; the best response is a proactive, active response.
I've been challenged more than ever with thoughts on religion within this past year. Everything I've ever known has been shaken, everything I've ever thought has been challenged, and many conversations have been sparked from a desperate search for truth. It wasn't until tonight's walk did I find some genuine clarity. I didn't find all the answers, or have a revelation as to what the definition of "truth" is in this life, but I did begin to find peace in what I know.
I was really hurt by some of the things that were said to me in this search, more hurt than I thought I could be, and I was more confused than I have ever been. I have sought the advice of more people than I have ever before, each one coming from a different perspective, each with their own experiences leading them to their conclusions. Despite my search for ultimate truth, I only found a compilation of what others believed, based on their own journeys, defined by the peace they've discovered in their answers. It wasn't until I prayed for the man in the wheelchair tonight did I truly discover that my faith is not defined by anyone else, despite my frantic search for an approval by someone "who has the answers" to guide me.
An intelligent lady told me that in our freedom of choice we are expected to make mistakes; this may have been the most freeing statement I have ever heard. She talked about the possibility of the ultimate judgement being one where we are held to our own standards, meaning we will be judged based on how we judge others. In my mind this makes a lot of sense, and although I believe that it's not a judgement of indifference placed upon us by a higher being, somehow this idea brought me peace. In a way, it freed me from the fear of an angry God sending punishment on us based on all of our failings, and instead painted a picture of how to live this life in the greatest way possible - an ultimate truth to love in the best way we can.
So where does this leave me? Where does this leave you?
I hope it reminds us how important it is to love one another. I hope it springs us into action to go out and serve others in a genuine fashion. If nothing else, I hope it reminds us to send out a prayer, a thought, a little love, for all. This is by no means a revolutionary thought, or a well written blog, it's just a nudging reminder to dig a little deeper and serve a little more.
We are all in this together.
Without going into detail, I was reminded of those who live alone and the feelings of fear and sadness that can accompany a solitary life. It pained me to think of so many living without companionship, and though I know some choose and enjoy this lifestyle, there are some that have come upon this by no other reason that happenstance. As I went on a walk tonight, I could not shake this thought. During this walk I stumbled upon a man in a wheelchair waiting for the bus stop. We caught each other's eyes, I smiled and nodded, and then continued on my way. The look in his eyes was one of sadness - I of course could be mistaken, but I felt something deep inside me stir. I began to pray for him, nothing more than that he would be watched over, loved, cared for. I started wondering when was the last time he was able to walk, what caused him to be confined to this, and how unfair life can be sometimes...and then I started to tear up. Picture it: girl out for walk on a beautiful summer night, crying because of the stories of two different people she didn't even know. Sometimes I wonder why I'm so strange.
I came home and couldn't shake these thoughts - the realization of so many living alone and craving to be busy, to have company, to have someone to rely on them and someone to rely on. I thought of my grandma, who lived alone for so many years, her loneliness and sadness only barely understood by me during my "lost year". I started thinking of the nursing homes that I've seen, the many lives that have been lived and the many people that have been left by family, or have never had family to be with them. It pains me to think of this - for a long time to the point of feeling I needed to "suffer in solidarity". Tonight I was reminded by something I heard from a very special person - that suffering in a way of forcing yourself to live in sadness does nothing for someone else. Suffering in solidarity is a way to make two people miserable and benefits neither; the best response is a proactive, active response.
I've been challenged more than ever with thoughts on religion within this past year. Everything I've ever known has been shaken, everything I've ever thought has been challenged, and many conversations have been sparked from a desperate search for truth. It wasn't until tonight's walk did I find some genuine clarity. I didn't find all the answers, or have a revelation as to what the definition of "truth" is in this life, but I did begin to find peace in what I know.
I was really hurt by some of the things that were said to me in this search, more hurt than I thought I could be, and I was more confused than I have ever been. I have sought the advice of more people than I have ever before, each one coming from a different perspective, each with their own experiences leading them to their conclusions. Despite my search for ultimate truth, I only found a compilation of what others believed, based on their own journeys, defined by the peace they've discovered in their answers. It wasn't until I prayed for the man in the wheelchair tonight did I truly discover that my faith is not defined by anyone else, despite my frantic search for an approval by someone "who has the answers" to guide me.
An intelligent lady told me that in our freedom of choice we are expected to make mistakes; this may have been the most freeing statement I have ever heard. She talked about the possibility of the ultimate judgement being one where we are held to our own standards, meaning we will be judged based on how we judge others. In my mind this makes a lot of sense, and although I believe that it's not a judgement of indifference placed upon us by a higher being, somehow this idea brought me peace. In a way, it freed me from the fear of an angry God sending punishment on us based on all of our failings, and instead painted a picture of how to live this life in the greatest way possible - an ultimate truth to love in the best way we can.
So where does this leave me? Where does this leave you?
I hope it reminds us how important it is to love one another. I hope it springs us into action to go out and serve others in a genuine fashion. If nothing else, I hope it reminds us to send out a prayer, a thought, a little love, for all. This is by no means a revolutionary thought, or a well written blog, it's just a nudging reminder to dig a little deeper and serve a little more.
We are all in this together.
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