Diana Reader

"Sometimes I wonder why you even love me.  And why you ever chose to call me child." [Third Day, You Are Mine] A friend told me about a woman who was worried about her daughter's weight issues.  She was searching for books (listed below), advice, or something that would help her better grasp what her daughter was going through and know how to help her have a good self image.  My friend directed her to my blog, so this post is dedicated to her and her daughter.  I don't know your story, but I know what a difficult struggle body image can be to all genders, of all ages.  Most of us have either faced these issues, or loved someone who has been through body dysmorphia. Being addicted to alcohol, to nicotine, to pornography, to substance abuse, all of these things can be devastating.  Life threatening.  The hopeful part about it all though, is that by quitting you can be set free.  I've known people who have stopped smoking and never picked up anot...

"I think the things we want most in life, the things we think will set us free, are not the things we need." There's been a lot going on in my life lately, far too much to blog about, but it's given me a lot of thoughts.  Recently I've been super attentive to how people interact with each other in their relationships. The topic of this blog has been a long time coming. Without going into details, I've been cleaning out someone's house due to a changing environment.  Someone that had gone through divorce many years ago and never really recovered.  Bitterness enveloped this person, and it's so scary to think how much negativity can change you if you let it.  Unforgiveness really is the selfish man's poison. "I am afraid of rejection, and I am afraid that I won't feel the same way tomorrow, and I have no faith in the system that God made." [Blue Like Jazz] This idea alone has me second-guessing my trust in relationship, making ...

I really didn't want to write this blog.  I've been putting it off and putting it off, mostly because I don't even know where I want to take it, but it's something that keeps on knocking, keeps on asking.  So, here's to wherever this blog will lead. About a month ago I ordered a bikini from a magazine I've been getting.  I had this vision of what color, style, and design I wanted my swim suit to have, as I enjoy designing clothes as a hobby.  It's something I've never told anyone, but I have a sketch book I keep for myself and enjoy creating and designing various styles.  I don't sew clothes much, so it's not something I'll probably ever show anyone or pursue, but instead I'll draw it and then look for years trying to find something similar in stores.  Anyway, the bikini I ordered was about as close to my design as I was going to get, since I'd been looking for about four years, so I bought it.  I went through this whole contemplati...

Oh summer.  The season of flowers, sunshine, beaches, bonfires, warm days and cold nights, loud concerts and quiet moments.  For some, having your heart broken.  For others, falling in love and of course, weddings. I was talking with a friend years ago while we were searching the jewelry counter for a gift for someone else when we got on the topic of weddings and diamond rings.  He mentioned that some day he'd have to buy a diamond, since that's what all girls want.  I remember looking at him and realizing that not actually what I wanted.  Thinking that in this world, where weddings and rings and perfect dresses and details are so stressed to be exact and hold up to some 'standard', where each person wants to outdo the last, have 'her day' be of perfection, the pressure of 'quick get married like everyone else.'  Maybe I'm different in realizing that's not what I want.  All I could do was look at him and murmur, "Not every girl wants a dia...

I have a few reasons for writing this blog, despite the last blog's attempt to end my blogging. 1) This will be the 50th post, and really, who ends at 49? 2) I started blogging a year ago from Tuesday, so it seemed appropriate to acknowledge that 3) I have been searching and searching for someone to fully explain what I've been experiencing lately, and yet, I don't know where to turn I think that's the thing about writing, it's easier to let down your walls.  If you're anything like me, it's really difficult to open up to those around you...even those closest to you.  It's frustrating really, because sometimes the one person you need to talk to, the one who can give you the insight you need, the faith in yourself to push forward, and the trust to let go, is the one who is at the root of so much of the things you go through.  Funny how that works, the one that you need the most to fix everything is the one who you can't turn to.  What a contradi...

This will be my last blog.  At least in the style I am writing.  One year ago, in the silent hours of early morning, I wrote my first blog.  Not knowing where I was going with it, or what I wanted to get out of it, I simply decided it was time to explore what was on my mind..sometimes surprising even myself with my honesty and learning things I never realized I had buried so deep within.  I've spent mornings in coffee shops writing in the serenity of the atmosphere, pulled all nighters writing in the darkness and hoping my words weren't too honest to be considered unacceptable, written after filling myself without really filling my hunger, written when I was confused and excited and unsure and hopeful. Today though, I decided it was time to let go of this experience and move on.  I've loved being able to express myself through writing, but the more I have written, the more I have discovered the girl who once was vibrant is still within me, trying to come back....

I finished my third sweater today.  I know, you're probably thinking I have the coolest hobbies (sarcasm) but honestly, there's something about keeping my hands busy and making something useful that makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something in my downtime.  Ironically, I finished it at the same place I finished my first sweater two years ago.  Only difference was the furniture was changed around, just like the people in my life. Funny how much can change in such a short time. I woke up ridiculously early a couple days ago from this dream, another sad one per usual.  It was one of those dreams that shakes you up a bit, and you start to question your decisions and wonder if what you've convinced yourself to feel isn't really how you actually feel.  Part of my dream I was running...running away from all of it, and for all of it.  I just kept running, and running, and running.   Wondering if anyone could catch up.  Running away from someone,...