Not every girl wants a diamond
Oh summer. The season of flowers, sunshine, beaches, bonfires, warm days and cold nights, loud concerts and quiet moments. For some, having your heart broken. For others, falling in love and of course, weddings.
I was talking with a friend years ago while we were searching the jewelry counter for a gift for someone else when we got on the topic of weddings and diamond rings. He mentioned that some day he'd have to buy a diamond, since that's what all girls want. I remember looking at him and realizing that not actually what I wanted. Thinking that in this world, where weddings and rings and perfect dresses and details are so stressed to be exact and hold up to some 'standard', where each person wants to outdo the last, have 'her day' be of perfection, the pressure of 'quick get married like everyone else.' Maybe I'm different in realizing that's not what I want. All I could do was look at him and murmur, "Not every girl wants a diamond." Because the thing is, I don't think I really want a diamond, not in the typical sense. I just want to be able to look someone in the eye over breakfast and see all of them revealed to me. I want to see that they love all of me, in them.
I don't want my hand to be heavy with monetary value, worried about damaging it, breaking it, or losing it. I just want someone there to hold my hand when I feel damaged, broken, or lost. Isn't that so much of what love is?
You see, I think that's what we all want.
But in the moment of the world, we get so caught up in the rush of it all. Quick find love. Quick get married. Quick have children. You're running out of time! You're running out! You're running!
You're running away?
I think, to find the kind of love we so desire, we have to take a moment and step back. It's evident that we're being told something with divorce rates and shifting children from house to house and the cries of the unborn children who were so-called mistakes of a night and the constant yelling from everything around us. So much yelling.
So much yelling.
All of this is calling us to step back and look at the kind of love we so desire. Look at what it is our heart is calling for.
[Now as a side note, I should probably state that I don't mean that rings are wrong, or that wanting a diamond is bad, or young marriage isn't good, or anything like that. I actually find a lot of value in the symbolism of a ring, and hope someday I'll either find the person I'm meant to share in that love with, or find a new passion that the Lord wants me to fulfill.]
It takes a lot out of you when you look back at something and wonder what the purpose of it all was. It takes a lot more to find the purpose.
For a long time, I've felt like a part of me was missing. Empty. And I thought that part was supposed to be filled by someone else. Whomever held the other half of my heart would find me, make me whole. Make me understand. But each time I thought someone came into my life to fill that role, I was wrong. So then I began to think that maybe it was my faith. I wasn't strong enough, trusting enough, loving enough and needed to constantly work on perfecting my faith so I could let God fill that spot. It was like I was studying for an exam, I kept searching and working on myself in hopes that I would get an 'A' and have that emptiness filled; an 'A' for autonomous [acting in accordance with one's moral duties rather than one's desires]. It didn't work. So then I thought, maybe it's just me. Maybe I have to work on myself to fill that emptiness. Maybe I need to just fix it or ignore it.
The thing is, all of those answers were wrong. I have this love/hate relationship when I think of my time in college. I love the people I met, the wonderful, wonderful friendships I have made. I know that I would go to any of those friends at the drop of a hat if they needed me. I know that each of them would come to me without a second thought if I needed them, even if it was just to stay up through the night talking, laughing, crying, sharing. I know that, because it's happened. I know that, because I trust them. The kind of friendships where you might not talk for days, weeks, months, or even years and yet the moment you pick up the phone, you pick up right where you left off. What I hate about college is that it wasn't what I planned. I don't understand why I had to experience what I did. Why I had to endure through so many difficult nights, angry, frustrated, broken. Why I continue to look back and try to discover what the point of it all was. Why my "plan" wasn't fulfilled in the way I had enacted. Why so much of that plan I had dependent on someone else.
"What" is a simple question. It is usually answered with a noun, or an explanation, or a reiteration of something previously muttered. "If" is a simple statement. Typically used in a causation of 'if this, then that' fashion. But when the words are placed together, "what if" can become a whip of a tongue, lashing out over any scar, never letting anything fully heal. The most dangerous of questions. Be careful with your words, with your thoughts. They hold the power to heal you or destroy you.
I've recently been talking to a newly-found friend who has been struggling with her faith. She asked some really deep questions, and wanting to give her the insight from Christ, I spent a lot of time in the bible, searching for answers. I spent time talking with two friends I really trust have the insight of Christ. I spent a lot of time in prayer. Funny how it works, when you go on a quest for someone else, you come to discover the quest is for you, too.
I feel like I'm waking up from a slumber. Seeing things from a new perspective, one I couldn't have seen without climbing the mountain that was my past five years. Our life, this life that we make SO MUCH ABOUT OURSELVES really isn't about us. Did you hear that? IT ISN'T ABOUT US.
We spend so much time trying to make ourselves happy, attempting to jump on the bandwagons of Christians with our "God loves us" catch phrase, making our God become more of a key chain we carry in our pocket rather than carving Him in our heart. We shine Him up and make Him sparkle on our keys, we've forgotten that He was cut in blood for us. Living for Christ isn't a clean, shiny life. It's a broken bloody war. Christ lived differently. He wasn't about "fitting in". He wasn't about diamonds. He was about something deeper.
What I'm finding, is that only in Christ will we be set free. Set free from the weight of our heavy hands chained down by our monetary concerns. Set free from the weight of our heavy eyes chained down by our yearning to be sought. Set free from the weight of our heavy hearts chained down by the emptiness without Him.
During my quest to answer someone else's questions, I found answers of my own. As a friend put it: What I've found is something so much greater than the temporary pleasures of this life.
I've found a relationship with my creator. How cool is that? My creator knows me and loves me.
Look around at this world. Really open your eyes and see what's around you. The intricacy, the ornamentation, the detail. Even the simple is complex. How can you not see the Creator in all of this? So as I search to fill this emptiness, I realize it is not about me. It's not about filling myself through my own perfection, another person, or perfecting my faith. All of this was already done for me. The only way to fill that emptiness is through Christ. Knowing, understanding, and trusting that Christ has and will continue to complete me. Fill me. Through Him, we are made perfect.
I was talking with a friend years ago while we were searching the jewelry counter for a gift for someone else when we got on the topic of weddings and diamond rings. He mentioned that some day he'd have to buy a diamond, since that's what all girls want. I remember looking at him and realizing that not actually what I wanted. Thinking that in this world, where weddings and rings and perfect dresses and details are so stressed to be exact and hold up to some 'standard', where each person wants to outdo the last, have 'her day' be of perfection, the pressure of 'quick get married like everyone else.' Maybe I'm different in realizing that's not what I want. All I could do was look at him and murmur, "Not every girl wants a diamond." Because the thing is, I don't think I really want a diamond, not in the typical sense. I just want to be able to look someone in the eye over breakfast and see all of them revealed to me. I want to see that they love all of me, in them.
I don't want my hand to be heavy with monetary value, worried about damaging it, breaking it, or losing it. I just want someone there to hold my hand when I feel damaged, broken, or lost. Isn't that so much of what love is?
You see, I think that's what we all want.
But in the moment of the world, we get so caught up in the rush of it all. Quick find love. Quick get married. Quick have children. You're running out of time! You're running out! You're running!
You're running away?
I think, to find the kind of love we so desire, we have to take a moment and step back. It's evident that we're being told something with divorce rates and shifting children from house to house and the cries of the unborn children who were so-called mistakes of a night and the constant yelling from everything around us. So much yelling.
So much yelling.
All of this is calling us to step back and look at the kind of love we so desire. Look at what it is our heart is calling for.
[Now as a side note, I should probably state that I don't mean that rings are wrong, or that wanting a diamond is bad, or young marriage isn't good, or anything like that. I actually find a lot of value in the symbolism of a ring, and hope someday I'll either find the person I'm meant to share in that love with, or find a new passion that the Lord wants me to fulfill.]
It takes a lot out of you when you look back at something and wonder what the purpose of it all was. It takes a lot more to find the purpose.
For a long time, I've felt like a part of me was missing. Empty. And I thought that part was supposed to be filled by someone else. Whomever held the other half of my heart would find me, make me whole. Make me understand. But each time I thought someone came into my life to fill that role, I was wrong. So then I began to think that maybe it was my faith. I wasn't strong enough, trusting enough, loving enough and needed to constantly work on perfecting my faith so I could let God fill that spot. It was like I was studying for an exam, I kept searching and working on myself in hopes that I would get an 'A' and have that emptiness filled; an 'A' for autonomous [acting in accordance with one's moral duties rather than one's desires]. It didn't work. So then I thought, maybe it's just me. Maybe I have to work on myself to fill that emptiness. Maybe I need to just fix it or ignore it.
The thing is, all of those answers were wrong. I have this love/hate relationship when I think of my time in college. I love the people I met, the wonderful, wonderful friendships I have made. I know that I would go to any of those friends at the drop of a hat if they needed me. I know that each of them would come to me without a second thought if I needed them, even if it was just to stay up through the night talking, laughing, crying, sharing. I know that, because it's happened. I know that, because I trust them. The kind of friendships where you might not talk for days, weeks, months, or even years and yet the moment you pick up the phone, you pick up right where you left off. What I hate about college is that it wasn't what I planned. I don't understand why I had to experience what I did. Why I had to endure through so many difficult nights, angry, frustrated, broken. Why I continue to look back and try to discover what the point of it all was. Why my "plan" wasn't fulfilled in the way I had enacted. Why so much of that plan I had dependent on someone else.
"What" is a simple question. It is usually answered with a noun, or an explanation, or a reiteration of something previously muttered. "If" is a simple statement. Typically used in a causation of 'if this, then that' fashion. But when the words are placed together, "what if" can become a whip of a tongue, lashing out over any scar, never letting anything fully heal. The most dangerous of questions. Be careful with your words, with your thoughts. They hold the power to heal you or destroy you.
I've recently been talking to a newly-found friend who has been struggling with her faith. She asked some really deep questions, and wanting to give her the insight from Christ, I spent a lot of time in the bible, searching for answers. I spent time talking with two friends I really trust have the insight of Christ. I spent a lot of time in prayer. Funny how it works, when you go on a quest for someone else, you come to discover the quest is for you, too.
I feel like I'm waking up from a slumber. Seeing things from a new perspective, one I couldn't have seen without climbing the mountain that was my past five years. Our life, this life that we make SO MUCH ABOUT OURSELVES really isn't about us. Did you hear that? IT ISN'T ABOUT US.
We spend so much time trying to make ourselves happy, attempting to jump on the bandwagons of Christians with our "God loves us" catch phrase, making our God become more of a key chain we carry in our pocket rather than carving Him in our heart. We shine Him up and make Him sparkle on our keys, we've forgotten that He was cut in blood for us. Living for Christ isn't a clean, shiny life. It's a broken bloody war. Christ lived differently. He wasn't about "fitting in". He wasn't about diamonds. He was about something deeper.
What I'm finding, is that only in Christ will we be set free. Set free from the weight of our heavy hands chained down by our monetary concerns. Set free from the weight of our heavy eyes chained down by our yearning to be sought. Set free from the weight of our heavy hearts chained down by the emptiness without Him.
During my quest to answer someone else's questions, I found answers of my own. As a friend put it: What I've found is something so much greater than the temporary pleasures of this life.
I've found a relationship with my creator. How cool is that? My creator knows me and loves me.
Look around at this world. Really open your eyes and see what's around you. The intricacy, the ornamentation, the detail. Even the simple is complex. How can you not see the Creator in all of this? So as I search to fill this emptiness, I realize it is not about me. It's not about filling myself through my own perfection, another person, or perfecting my faith. All of this was already done for me. The only way to fill that emptiness is through Christ. Knowing, understanding, and trusting that Christ has and will continue to complete me. Fill me. Through Him, we are made perfect.
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