What is love?
I've been asking this question a lot. For the past three years, I've been searching for an answer. What does love feels like? What does love look like? What does love mean? I've been asking people their own definitions of love, searching for a clearer description to understand. How do you know if you're in love? Sitting here with a pile of books spread across my bed, papers with notes scribbled on them, reading through emails and messages, recalling phone conversations, late night delves, and searching within myself, I've compiled as best a list as I can. Here are some of the responses I've heard to the question, What is love?:
All of these responses are valid for the people that spoke them. I see truth in each of them.
My view of love has changed over the course of college. I thought "being in love" meant being swept off your feet by the perfect man. I thought being in love was "just knowing" (although I've come to hate that term...what does that even mean?!), I thought it meant always wanting to be around that person, I thought it meant you'd have arguments but not bad enough where you couldn't laugh it off, give in, or let it go five minutes later. I thought being in love was an emotional high and as long as you hid your insecurities, hid your doubts, hid yourself, it would work. Changing and becoming what I thought the person wanted, because making them happy was most important, right? Doesn't love require sacrifice, even if it is the sacrifice of yourself? Besides, when it ends it's a lot easier to face a rejection of someone you're not, rather than to be rejected for who you actually are. I thought and thought, searching the world for the meaning of love. In doing so, became more lost.
I was searching in the wrong places.
Now, I look at love in a new light. I believe love is a choice. Love is a decision more than an emotion. Society tends to get so caught up in the "butterflies" and "feeling high" that we don't realize love is a lot more of choosing to put that other person first and deciding to love them despite the most current emotion. I think we overuse the word love; toss it around casually devaluing it's true meaning. I myself am guilty of this. We say things like,
"Oh I love this band"
"Don't you just love that food?"
"Love that sports team"
"I love that shirt"
Of these things, do we really love any of them? Would we sacrifice our life, our being, our everything for them? Probably not. I like whip cream, but I'm not about to fall in love with it (although I have proclaimed my love for it times before ;)
I would caution you to take notice to the things you say you love. Where your heart is, there your treasure is also. What you love, what you fill your mind with, what you spend your time doing, what you invest yourself in, will change you. Be careful of this. Look at how you spend your time. Evaluate what you truly love. For this is what you become.
Love listens. Love protects. Love trusts. Love prevails.
I still think about the aspects of love: someone who holds open doors for you, spontaneously wrapped you in hugs; someone who when they looked at you, it is evident they only have eyes for you; someone who is charming, funny, musical; most importantly, someone faithful. Someone who trusts you, who is wholeheartedly trustable, who gives his all to Christ and helps you immensely in your faith as well.
Each of us define love in our own unique way, but I have yet to come across a better definition than this:
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." [1Cor13:4-8].
My mistake was looking for love in the wrong places. I was looking in this world, spinning in circles trying to find an answer that grasped my heart. Nothing worked. It wasn't until I stopped looking for around at the worlds definition and finally looked up did I find my answer. What was it?
John 3:16.
I hope you come to know this love. Breathe it in. Live in it. And give it freely. The great thing about love is the more you give, the more you receive.
You are loved. I am loved. Together, we are loved.
- While no relationship is guaranteed a pain-free future, love is still worth it. And how does love weather the storms of life? A firm foundation helps. Take time today to nurture your relationships.
- Love is an act of faith.
- The idea that somewhere out there is that special someone who will sweep you off your feet, take your breath away.
- Real love creates a generous openness.
- When you are walking alone in the woods, something takes your breath away--a sunset, a waterfall, the simple song of a bird--and you think, If only my beloved were here.
- Love comes from God.
- Love is like playing the piano. First you must learn to play by the rules, then you must forget the rules and play from your heart.
- Love is when two people who care for each other get confused.
- True love is a natural thing.
- Love is a friendship set to music.
- Love is like a rose: we fixate on the blossom, but it's the thorny stem that keeps it alive and aloft. I think that marriage is like that. Like my father said, 'the things of greatest value are the things we fight for. And in the end, if we do it right, we value the stem far more than the blossom.'
- When we love, we always strive to become better than we are.
- For to love is to give yourself freely and without reservation.
- True love requires sacrifice.
- It's so important to understand the love language of a person we care about. Some people just show their affection in a different way than we do. And chances are, if we're in a friendship or a love relationship with a "strong, silent type" we're not going to hear or see frequent, obvious displays of affection. We just have to trust that someone who says he loves us actually does even though he doesn't frequently reaffirm that commitment. Instead of assuming the worst, we have to expect the best.
- To love is to be vulnerable.
All of these responses are valid for the people that spoke them. I see truth in each of them.
My view of love has changed over the course of college. I thought "being in love" meant being swept off your feet by the perfect man. I thought being in love was "just knowing" (although I've come to hate that term...what does that even mean?!), I thought it meant always wanting to be around that person, I thought it meant you'd have arguments but not bad enough where you couldn't laugh it off, give in, or let it go five minutes later. I thought being in love was an emotional high and as long as you hid your insecurities, hid your doubts, hid yourself, it would work. Changing and becoming what I thought the person wanted, because making them happy was most important, right? Doesn't love require sacrifice, even if it is the sacrifice of yourself? Besides, when it ends it's a lot easier to face a rejection of someone you're not, rather than to be rejected for who you actually are. I thought and thought, searching the world for the meaning of love. In doing so, became more lost.
I was searching in the wrong places.
Now, I look at love in a new light. I believe love is a choice. Love is a decision more than an emotion. Society tends to get so caught up in the "butterflies" and "feeling high" that we don't realize love is a lot more of choosing to put that other person first and deciding to love them despite the most current emotion. I think we overuse the word love; toss it around casually devaluing it's true meaning. I myself am guilty of this. We say things like,
"Oh I love this band"
"Don't you just love that food?"
"Love that sports team"
"I love that shirt"
Of these things, do we really love any of them? Would we sacrifice our life, our being, our everything for them? Probably not. I like whip cream, but I'm not about to fall in love with it (although I have proclaimed my love for it times before ;)
I would caution you to take notice to the things you say you love. Where your heart is, there your treasure is also. What you love, what you fill your mind with, what you spend your time doing, what you invest yourself in, will change you. Be careful of this. Look at how you spend your time. Evaluate what you truly love. For this is what you become.
Love listens. Love protects. Love trusts. Love prevails.
I still think about the aspects of love: someone who holds open doors for you, spontaneously wrapped you in hugs; someone who when they looked at you, it is evident they only have eyes for you; someone who is charming, funny, musical; most importantly, someone faithful. Someone who trusts you, who is wholeheartedly trustable, who gives his all to Christ and helps you immensely in your faith as well.
Each of us define love in our own unique way, but I have yet to come across a better definition than this:
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." [1Cor13:4-8].
My mistake was looking for love in the wrong places. I was looking in this world, spinning in circles trying to find an answer that grasped my heart. Nothing worked. It wasn't until I stopped looking for around at the worlds definition and finally looked up did I find my answer. What was it?
John 3:16.
I hope you come to know this love. Breathe it in. Live in it. And give it freely. The great thing about love is the more you give, the more you receive.
You are loved. I am loved. Together, we are loved.
I'll counter your points the best that I can.
ReplyDelete#1. My dad didn't nurture his relationship with my mom, so they grew apart.
#2. I was never the kind of person to act on faith alone, you know that better than most. Explains why I never took that leap...
#3. I fully accept that there's more than one "special someone". Even if you only include the 315 million people in the United States, the sheer odds make it likely that there's more than one "match" for one person.
#4. That's one thing that I can't argue with, as I've seen that hundreds of times since my mom remarried.
#5. All the time. At one time, that person was someone like you...
#6. That's the one part that I vehemently disagree with. Love can be found in places that have never heard of the Christian God, and some that have even rejected it. I've seen it, I've felt it, and I believe it to this day.
#7. I'd use the violin for that metaphor...moving on.
#8. At least they're talking to each other, unlike my parents...
#9, Aye. True Love will happen when compatible people are close enough together for long enough. Again, I've seen it happen.
#10. Everything can be set to music! I'm surprised you didn't already know that...
#11. Most people don't do it right the first time, especially if they're too young to know better...
And the rest of the points are obviously true.
Don't hide your insecurities, your doubts, or yourself. If someone truly loves you, he'll accept you as you are, nothing more or less.
You did a great job with counter points. But now for my rebuttle ;)
ReplyDeleteI want to first say that these statements were people's opinions, so I can't say they're totally right or totally wrong. Opinions are what they are.
Okay, here goes.
#1. I'm so sorry. There's nothing I can say or do to make that better, but I'm sorry.
#2. Acting on faith is more than just a random leap I believe. Granted, sometimes you just have to take the risk, but much of the time, reasoning and logic can be used to make a faithful decision.
3. I still don't know my stance on this. I'm hard pressed to believe that there's one person out there you're meant to be with. Granted, if your spouse dies or something, I'm not saying you'll never fall in love again. No way. I'm just saying I believe there's someone out there that will understand you more than anyone else. Is there only one person? I'm not sure yet.
#4. Goes for all relationships, not just romantic.
#5. I think we all have someone we think of. May not be the same person each time, or may be just an idea of someone we have yet to meet, but I think wanting to share our experiences with another is how we connect and feel understood. There's something about sharing a wonderful experience with someone else that makes it so much better.
#6. I would never state that someone who does not know of the name "God" cannot love. However, I believe that love comes from God; I believe He is love. I think we all have a deeper sense of something bigger out there than just ourselves, and that's what makes us keep going. That gives us wonder, hope, purpose, love. People call it different things, but I believe it comes down to a desire the Lord has put in us. I believe the love we have in our hearts is Him in us.
#7. Can we put guitar in that as well? I like the guitar. haha
#8. Sometimes silence can be a healer. Not always, but sometimes space and a break can make peace. If not, I hope both of your parents are happy with what they chose. It's not easy to forgive, or to initiate conversation with someone you're struggling to understand, but if they can accept the other one being happy, then maybe their silence is how they communicate. Stretching here, but it's a thought.
#9. Yes and yes.
#10. haha True story.
#11. I don't know if being young is the blame for something failing. I know plenty of young people who married and it worked out, just like I know plenty of people who are older that didn't work out. Whatever age, I think if you know your center, hard times will happen, but you can make it through if you're both willing and committed 100%. Doesn't make it easier, but I think in the end it's worth it.
I'm curious for your response. Hope I didn't offend in any way. I don't know your situation fully, but I responded the best I know.