Dancing to a Different Drummer
"We've let the world tell us what forgiveness means. We've let the job market define our skill sets. We've let the SAT or ACT define how smart we are. We let labels pigeonhole our beliefs about ourselves and shape our views. The antidote is God's Word and prayer. We must learn to put all of our weight on Jesus, to dig deep into his Word and obey his nudges to reach out to others in his love.
All the while, he will bide his time and work out his dream for us. All the while, he will teach us to thrive." [Casting Crowns]
I was up until 3 last night trying to figure out what exactly I wanted to write about for this blog; how I was going to get my thoughts across. I decided to sleep instead of write, and today I came down to the coffee shop in hopes that something would spark my voice. I was about to give up as I was cleaning out my emails, when I came across one that I had accidentally deleted without reading. The quote above came from that message, and thus I have begun to write.
Funny story, shortly after I wrote that sentence, I met a friend at the shop and spend the rest of my time talking. I've been putting off writing this for about two weeks now, because I don't really know what I want to say. I was up late last night thinking about so many things and people of the past, completely torn between what I did and didn't do. And again tonight, it's late and I need sleep, but I'm realizing sometimes I just need to write to have the peace of mind to sleep.
I'm reading a book devotion dedicated to a different woman of the bible. Every week focuses on a specific woman, telling her story, sharing her strengths, weaknesses, and questions. Last night I kept thinking about how much I missed my housemates, wishing they'd come running in my room to jump on my bed and be the reason I was up so late. Then I started thinking about college, how much I would have done differently as an RHD--focusing more on relationships instead of being so focused on following order. That led me to thinking about different friendships, which led to happy and sad thoughts. So basically, my body was exhausted but my mind was reeling ;)
The devotion from the book (as I read it at midnight) spoke of Lot's wife, and how she turned back to look at her city as she fled for safety, only to be turned into a pillar of salt. (It's in Genesis 19:1-26 if you want the full story). It was the questions at the end of the reading that got me.
Even though warned not to do so, she (Lot's wife) couldn't resist looking back. Why do you think she turned?
I'm an answering-type of girl, whenever someone questions me, or I read a question, I answer it either aloud or in my head. So being brought up to 'do your homework' (even if it is a devotional for yourself, not a grade) I have to answer. I started thinking about how Lot's wife may have turned back because she was curious about the city's demise, or maybe she was mournful of all she was losing, or maybe she feared looking forward.....
And that's the first time I felt I actually connected; like I actually understood what this unnamed woman was thinking. Feeling. Made me wake up to remember that I wasn't just reading a story, I was reading history. And it never felt more real.
The last question asked What does leaving the past behind mean for you right now?
Funny how the Lord talks to you in so many evident ways, and yet we still question his involvement in our lives. What a beautiful reminder that He pays attention and hears the cries of our hearts. Clearly this was a question I have been avoiding, one I began to face tonight. For me, leaving the past behind means letting go of the expectations I've placed on myself in hopes of pleasing others for their own expectations of myself. It means stopping from hammering myself down further, unsure that what I want should be what I want. It means surrendering my heart from the people that I have harbored. It means doing things, things I know are right, instead of stopping myself because it's not looked upon as the standard way to approach life.
It means dancing to my own drummer.
I had a friend message me last week about a recent move he's made, learning to adjust to the different culture, finding his niche, and trying to get involved. He talked about feeling as if he's not doing enough to better humanity. I get this. I've talked with a lot of friends about this, and many have the same view as I do. We're not doing enough. We're not living selflessly enough, big enough, forward moving enough.
Last night I prayed about this, and I began to find peace with my answer. Ask yourself, why do you do the things you do?
Is it for money? Fame? Popularity? Acknowledgement? Reward? Praise? Power?
Maybe, just maybe, we need to redefine what we, as INDIVIDUALS need to do to make our difference. Maybe our difference isn't necessarily in the form we think. Maybe what we do, day to day, is all part of the difference.
Maybe, just maybe, joining the Peace Corps, or becoming a doctor, or traveling the world aren't the only callings that make a difference.
Maybe it's feeding the family living on the street. Or speaking kindness to our family when we get frustrated. Or holding a friend when she cries at the loss of her mother. Or talking with a friend you haven't in awhile just to know how they are doing.
I could tell that the friend I messaged wasn't fully happy, something was missing. Something I think we all feel at some point...an itch for change, an uncomfortability with where we are, a deeper meaning to the life we've been living.
So let's stop letting society define what it means to be successful. Let's start listening to what our hearts are saying, for in the whispers of our heart comes the voice of God.
All the while, he will bide his time and work out his dream for us. All the while, he will teach us to thrive." [Casting Crowns]
I was up until 3 last night trying to figure out what exactly I wanted to write about for this blog; how I was going to get my thoughts across. I decided to sleep instead of write, and today I came down to the coffee shop in hopes that something would spark my voice. I was about to give up as I was cleaning out my emails, when I came across one that I had accidentally deleted without reading. The quote above came from that message, and thus I have begun to write.
Funny story, shortly after I wrote that sentence, I met a friend at the shop and spend the rest of my time talking. I've been putting off writing this for about two weeks now, because I don't really know what I want to say. I was up late last night thinking about so many things and people of the past, completely torn between what I did and didn't do. And again tonight, it's late and I need sleep, but I'm realizing sometimes I just need to write to have the peace of mind to sleep.
I'm reading a book devotion dedicated to a different woman of the bible. Every week focuses on a specific woman, telling her story, sharing her strengths, weaknesses, and questions. Last night I kept thinking about how much I missed my housemates, wishing they'd come running in my room to jump on my bed and be the reason I was up so late. Then I started thinking about college, how much I would have done differently as an RHD--focusing more on relationships instead of being so focused on following order. That led me to thinking about different friendships, which led to happy and sad thoughts. So basically, my body was exhausted but my mind was reeling ;)
The devotion from the book (as I read it at midnight) spoke of Lot's wife, and how she turned back to look at her city as she fled for safety, only to be turned into a pillar of salt. (It's in Genesis 19:1-26 if you want the full story). It was the questions at the end of the reading that got me.
Even though warned not to do so, she (Lot's wife) couldn't resist looking back. Why do you think she turned?
I'm an answering-type of girl, whenever someone questions me, or I read a question, I answer it either aloud or in my head. So being brought up to 'do your homework' (even if it is a devotional for yourself, not a grade) I have to answer. I started thinking about how Lot's wife may have turned back because she was curious about the city's demise, or maybe she was mournful of all she was losing, or maybe she feared looking forward.....
And that's the first time I felt I actually connected; like I actually understood what this unnamed woman was thinking. Feeling. Made me wake up to remember that I wasn't just reading a story, I was reading history. And it never felt more real.
The last question asked What does leaving the past behind mean for you right now?
Funny how the Lord talks to you in so many evident ways, and yet we still question his involvement in our lives. What a beautiful reminder that He pays attention and hears the cries of our hearts. Clearly this was a question I have been avoiding, one I began to face tonight. For me, leaving the past behind means letting go of the expectations I've placed on myself in hopes of pleasing others for their own expectations of myself. It means stopping from hammering myself down further, unsure that what I want should be what I want. It means surrendering my heart from the people that I have harbored. It means doing things, things I know are right, instead of stopping myself because it's not looked upon as the standard way to approach life.
It means dancing to my own drummer.
I had a friend message me last week about a recent move he's made, learning to adjust to the different culture, finding his niche, and trying to get involved. He talked about feeling as if he's not doing enough to better humanity. I get this. I've talked with a lot of friends about this, and many have the same view as I do. We're not doing enough. We're not living selflessly enough, big enough, forward moving enough.
Last night I prayed about this, and I began to find peace with my answer. Ask yourself, why do you do the things you do?
Is it for money? Fame? Popularity? Acknowledgement? Reward? Praise? Power?
Maybe, just maybe, we need to redefine what we, as INDIVIDUALS need to do to make our difference. Maybe our difference isn't necessarily in the form we think. Maybe what we do, day to day, is all part of the difference.
Maybe, just maybe, joining the Peace Corps, or becoming a doctor, or traveling the world aren't the only callings that make a difference.
Maybe it's feeding the family living on the street. Or speaking kindness to our family when we get frustrated. Or holding a friend when she cries at the loss of her mother. Or talking with a friend you haven't in awhile just to know how they are doing.
I could tell that the friend I messaged wasn't fully happy, something was missing. Something I think we all feel at some point...an itch for change, an uncomfortability with where we are, a deeper meaning to the life we've been living.
So let's stop letting society define what it means to be successful. Let's start listening to what our hearts are saying, for in the whispers of our heart comes the voice of God.
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