Freedom

There's freedom in new beginnings.
There's freedom in never looking back.
There's freedom in letting go.

If you ask me about freedom, I will probably give you some good advice.
If you talk to me about freedom, you might think I have it figured out.
If you know me, you'll understand I struggle to be free.

Okay, at this point you can stop reading.  Or you can keep reading.  Either way, I want you to know it's going to get a little personal.  More personal than you may be comfortable with.  More personal than I'm comfortable with.

Today I threw away three years of food journals.

1095 days.
1095 pages.
1095 battles.

Today I went to the lake and threw a part of my [self] away.  Let go of something I've had a tight grip on for too long.  Let go of holding on.  If you have ever held onto something for a long time, grasping it so tightly your hands hurt, knuckles white, fear tight in your heart, you'll know it's painful to think of letting go.  Giving it up.  Moving on. 

 
But also incredibly freeing.

My [amazing] friend gave me some great advice.  She said it's not about letting go of a certain someone, certain something, it's letting go of trying to do everything on your own.  Learning to trust the future without "only trusting the future I have a say in."  It's learning to let go of control and just trust in the Lord.  Letting go doesn't mean your problem will magically disappear, nor does it mean it will magically work out how you want.  Letting go is saying, "Lord, this is hard, I don't know what this will look like, but I want to trust you when you say in your Word that you know the plans you have for me, that you delight in me, and that you love me. All of these things scream you love me. Lord, be enough for me so that I may be free to be me. I don't want to let go! But I know that I need to move forward in trusting that you know the desires of my heart better than I do."

Let go and let God.

Not gonna lie, I'm scared.  I'm afraid of the unknown.  I'm afraid of admitting my powerlessness.  I'm afraid of giving up my weakness.  I'm afraid I won't be able to do it. 

Thank goodness I don't have to do it alone.

I hope you know that as well.  I hope you know that you have the strength to face whatever you are battling.  I hope you know that it doesn't matter how long you've been struggling, that there still is hope.  Like you, I have felt like there's a ball and chain in my stomach, dragging me down.  I feel like I'm literally crawling from one day to the next, trying to get out of the valley only to slip back down again.  There's not even a mountain anymore, just flat ground and valleys, the normal has become unnatural.  And that's where God comes in.

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me." -Psalm 23:4

We all have our valleys. 

We all have our mountains. 

We all have our flat lands. 

We all have our God. 

So I realize that each day is a choice, a choice to be free.  We were given freewill in this life, to love, to hate, to be joyful, to mourn, to give, to receive.  We have the freedom to break away from the chains of our failures, our hate, our selfishness, our shame, our sin.

Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He brought them out of darkness and the deepest gloom and broke away their chains.

I choose freedom.  What about you?

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